


To Be Alone With You

by superqueerdanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (based on lena and kara's canon backstories), (for tma), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Familial Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Character Death, Villain Character Death, archival assistant kara danvers, archivist lena luthor, familial death, jonah magnus!lex luthor, lonely!lillian luthor, mostly based on tma 158 and 159
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24177400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superqueerdanvers/pseuds/superqueerdanvers
Summary: Lena had known something about her brother was different when she came home for the summer after her junior year of university. It was something about the way he spoke, the way he moved. Lex had always loved history, but Lena could have sworn his speech and mannerisms were more Victorian than they had been before. She also could have sworn his eyes were a different shade of blue. But time went on, and the changes faded to the back of her mind, though she still never fully trusted him. She graduated, attended graduate school, earned her MS in Supernatural and Paranormal Studies, and accepted a research position at the Magnus Institute, where Lex was the Head. A few years later, he had promoted her to Head Archivist.And now here she was. Listening to a tape of Lex – no, Jonah Magnus – kill her predecessor Gertrude. While her mother, who had taken over the Institute when Lex had been arrested, took Kara into the tunnels to take over the Panopticon.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

Lena had known something about her brother was different when she came home for the summer after her junior year of university. He was cunning, manipulative, even cruel – but that was nothing new. No, it was something about the way he spoke, the way he moved. Lex had always loved history, but Lena could have sworn his speech and mannerisms were more Victorian than they had been before. She also could have sworn his eyes were a different shade of blue. The changes were slight, nearly imperceptible, but Lena could not ignore them.

But time went on, and no one else seemed to notice anything off about him, and he had no reaction to the salt, iron, and silver Lena slipped him, and he remembered events only Lex and Lena had been present for. She went back to university, and Lex’s changes faded to the back of her mind, though she still never fully trusted him. Not that that meant much. She hadn’t fully trusted the original Lex since she was a child.

She graduated, attended graduate school, earned her MS in Supernatural and Paranormal Studies, and started looking for a job. Few institutions were accepting applications for a supernatural researcher, and those that did rejected her application. Eventually, she gave in and accepted a research position at the Magnus Institute, where Lex was the Head. Of course she suspected he had manipulated her job opportunities, but what could she do? A few years later, he had promoted her to Head Archivist.

* * *

And now here she was. Listening to a tape of Lex – no, Jonah Magnus – kill her predecessor Gertrude. While her mother, who had taken over the Institute when Lex had been arrested, took Kara into the tunnels to take over the Panopticon.

Sweet Kara, the archival assistant who had lent her a cozy blue sweater on her first day as Head Archivist, when she hadn’t known how cold the Archives were. Brave Kara, who had distracted Lex, drawing his attention and wrath onto herself while Brainy snuck into his office and found the evidence to have him arrested. Wonderful Kara, with a smile as warm and bright as the sun, and a heart big enough to rival the Vast.

Muffled screams came from elsewhere in the Institute as Mercy and Otis Graves, two Hunt avatars, made their way to the Archives. The thing that had replaced Sam Arias two years ago cackled outside Lena’s office. Alex Danvers glanced at Lena, one hand on her gun. “Run. J’onn and I’ll hold them off.”

“No, I can’t leave you –“

“We can take care of ourselves. You need to stop Lillian and save Kara,” J’onn interrupted.

“Leeeennnnaaaaaaaaaaa!” Not-Sam called.

“Go get my sister.” Alex looked Lena in the eye.

Lena nodded, opened her desk drawer, pulled out the pocketknife she kept there, and tucked it into her pocket. Then she ran for the tunnels.

* * *

By the time she reached the top of the underground tower, Lena was out of breath. She looked around the room. Large windows filled each wall, and the only furniture was an old wooden chair, where the pale, eyeless corpse of Jonah Magnus sat. Lex stood beside it, looking back at her with Jonah’s eyes. He smiled. “Hello, Lena.”

She pulled out her knife and opened it. “Where’s Kara?”

Lex laughed. “A knife, Lena, really?”

“Answer the question.” Her voice was cold and steady, but her hand shook.

He shrugged. He was irritatingly nonchalant. “Mother cast her into the Lonely, and with each passing moment she gets further away from you.”

“How do I bring her back?”

“From out here? Impossible.”

Lena swallowed. “You want me to follow her.”

He gave her a patronizing smile and reached out to touch her shoulder. She jerked away. “No, Lena, _you_ want you to follow her –“

“Why?”

“What?”

“What’s in it for you? Lex would never help me unless it benefitted him, and somehow I doubt you’re any different.”

“I just want you to save poor Kara from the Lonely. And you’d better hurry – she’s getting farther away as we speak.”

 _“Tell me the truth!”_ The same hunger that had driven her to demand statements from innocent people flared in Lena’s stomach.

“Oh, Lena, did you really think that would work? You can’t compel statements from another avatar of the Eye, though it was a nice try.”

She stepped forward, pressing the tip of her knife against Lex’s abdomen. If he was telling the truth about Kara getting farther away, then she was wasting valuable time. “What do you want, and how do I save Kara?”

He shook his head. “Come now, we both know you’re not ruthless enough to actually –“

She plunged the knife into his stomach, but didn’t pull it out. He gasped. As his blood oozed over her hand, she ordered, “Tell me.”

He laughed – a wet, choking sound. “Oh, _brava_ , Lena! Kara and Mother entered the Lonely not too... long ago. I’m sure traces of their passage… still remain,” he gasped. “Just… open your mind. Drink it all in. Know their route, and simply… follow it.”

She pulled out the knife, and he fell to the ground, still smiling. “Are you scared, Lena?”

She ignored him. Her ears filled with static, and she stepped into the Lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

Kara had been thirteen when her family died. The whole Zor-El family had been staying at her grandmother’s lake house, as they did for a week every summer, and Kara was kayaking alone on the lake when a fire broke out. In her shock when she saw the house was on fire, she dropped her paddle into the water. She tried to paddle with her hands, but it was no use. She had no way to get back to shore. She floated in the middle of the lake, watching the wooden cabin burn.

The fire department came, and she screamed and waved her arms at the distant fire trucks, but she was too far away. No one noticed her. She watched them put out the smoldering remains of the lake house. She watched the trucks drive away, and she cried.

She stopped crying after a while, and just sat numbly. As the sun sank lower in the sky, she ate her granola bar and drank her bottled water. She fell asleep sitting up.

For two days, she sat in that kayak in the middle of the lake. A few times, she thought she heard her mother calling her name, but each time, it was just a dream. She was alone.

Eventually, Search and Rescue found her. Apparently, they hadn’t known she’d gone kayaking, so they had assumed she’d died in the fire. Then her cousin Clark, the only other survivor, woke up in the hospital and told the nurses, who had contacted the sheriff and Search and Rescue.

Clark was Kara’s only surviving family, but he was only a freshman in college, so he was in no position to care for a thirteen-year-old. They had never been close anyway. Instead, Jeremiah and Eliza Danvers had adopted her. They were wonderful, but they were not the family she had grown up with, and they could not truly understand how it had felt to float on that lake, watching that fire kill her family and destroy the life she had known. As much as she loved the Danvers family, Kara was still alone.

* * *

And now, over a decade later, she was alone again. The kayak bobbed gently in the water. She had a paddle this time, but what was the point? She had nowhere to go. The fog was so thick she couldn’t tell if there even was a shore.

Lillian Luthor had said she wanted Kara’s help to stop the Extinction, but when Kara had refused to kill Jonah Magnus, realizing that Lillian cared more about beating him than about saving the world, she had sent her here. The Lonely, she assumed. She supposed she should feel scared, or at least upset, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She was safe here. She couldn’t lose anyone else because there was no one left to lose.

“Kara?” Lena’s voice was faint, far away and muffled by the fog.

For a moment, she looked in the direction of Lena’s voice and picked up her paddle. But then she stopped. She was in the Lonely. No one else was here. It was just her imagination, like on the lake. She put down her paddle.

She thought she heard Lena call again, and then it was quiet. The only sound was the water lapping against the kayak.

She didn’t know how long she floated there. She didn’t feel tired, or hungry, or thirsty. She could stay in that peaceful gray loneliness forever.

And then there was another sound. Was that… crying? And Lena’s voice, saying “I’m sorry, Oh God, I’m so sorry?”

Kara had never hallucinated the sounds of crying or apologies when she was stranded on that lake. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her again, or maybe…

Maybe Lena was in trouble.

Kara started to paddle.


	3. Chapter 3

The static gave way to the sound of waves. Lena was standing on a beach. She looked around her, but there wasn’t much to see. Gray fog, gray water, grayish-beige sand. No rocks or trees or buildings to serve as landmarks. Not even a sand dune. Just flat sand and flat water. “Kara? Kara!”

“She doesn’t want to see you.” The disembodied voice was muffled and distorted, but Lena would have recognized it anywhere.

“Mother.”

Soft laughter. “Oh, Archivist, we both know ‘Mother’ was more a formality than anything actually indicative of our relationship.”

“Fine. Lillian then. Where are you?”

“Well, I’m not here – no one is.” Lena could hear the smirk in Lillian’s voice. “It’s only you. You and that blood on your hands.”

Lena looked down. Her right hand was crimson with Lex’s blood. “I… I had to… he –“ But she wasn’t even convincing herself.

“Turn around and leave, Archivist. You played your part, now go.”

_“Kara!”_ The cry had a desperate edge to it, and Lena felt tears start to well up.

“She doesn’t want to see you.” Lillian’s voice was quiet but firm.

Lena took a deep breath and pulled herself together. “Then let me hear that from her.”

“Go. Now.”

“ _Make me_.” After a moment, Lena started to laugh. “You can’t, can you? The Lonely and the Eye aren’t too far apart, really. What good’s being alone if you don’t know how alone you truly are? _So_ … I think you’re worried. You know I’ll find her eventually, and you know I can find _you_.”

“Does it matter?”

“What?”

“Does it matter if you find her?”

“Of course it –“

“Where are your friends, Archivist?” Lillian’s voice was almost gentle.

Where were her friends? She had never had many, and before the Institute, she hadn’t had real friends since high school. “Andrea’s in America. We haven’t spoken in years.”

“And?”

“Sam’s dead.”

“And?”

“Alex and J’onn are probably dead.” Had they even really been her friends? Or just employees, trying to be nice to their boss?

“Because of you.”

“Brainy and James left me.”

“And?”

“Kara’s gone.” Lena’s voice broke.

“And if you find her? How will she react when she learns you _murdered_ Lex?” Lena was quiet, and Lillian continued. “Say nothing, but never trust you again? Leave you? Betray you to the police the way she betrayed your brother? Even if you somehow manage to pull her out of here, you’ll still be alone.” She paused. “I wanted you to leave, but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all. You can’t hurt anyone in here.”

Lena’s shoulders sagged. “Yes.” Then she stopped, and looked up. “Or perhaps you could answer some questions.”

Lillian sighed, and Lena could imagine her shaking her head patronizingly. “Oh, Archivist…”

“I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can see you now. I can find you wherever you go,” Lena said coldly.

Lillian stood in front of her. “I don’t know what you could want from me.” Her voice was no longer muffled or distorted. “I’m a Lukas; we serve the Lonely. You already know that.”

“Why have a family? Why marry, and have children, if you’re an avatar of the Lonely? Why adopt me, if loneliness and isolation are so _precious_ to you?”

“Lionel Luthor was a wealthy loner who would give me my space and not worry too much if our children didn’t have any friends. I married him and had Lex to keep the Lukas family going, sacrificing some solitude to better serve the Lonely in the long run. I never wanted another child.” She sighed. “But Lionel went and had an affair, and then your mother died, and Lionel brought you home before I could say no. Still,” she looked Lena over thoughtfully, “maybe he was right. After all, look at how lonely you are. Pity you serve the Eye.”

“Why did you take Kara?”

“Jonah made me a bet. He knew I wanted to stop the Extinction from coming to power – I had attempted a ritual years ago, thinking that if the Lonely came to power first, it would stop the Extinction. My ritual failed; I’m sure you can find statements about it. Or even news articles – Gertrude made my failure _very_ public. So when Jonah approached me and offered the use of his Institute and the Panopticon, I couldn’t resist. I just had to convince one of his staff to willingly pledge themselves to the Lonely. And when I realized I could use your sweet little Kara, and isolate you both at once, well… how could I resist? Of course, it didn’t go quite as I’d hoped. This is actually one of the first bets I ever made with him that I’ve lost. Though that’s how hustlers work, isn’t it? They lose and lose until you’re willing to put it all on the line, and then - the trap shuts. So I suppose that’s why I reacted so rashly, trying to rip his victory away. Keep you here. But it looks like I might have underestimated my opponent once again.”

“And if you lost? What was his prize?”

“You.”

That threw Lena off her rhythm. “What? I don’t understand, how—“

“And you won’t. Not from me.” The sound of static swelled, and Lillian started to fade away.

“Wait!” Lena needed to know. Lillian’s body seemed to flicker, becoming more and less transparent as she tried to leave and the Eye pulled her back. “Explain,” Lena ordered.

Lillian grimaced. “I’m… not… saying… another… word.”

_“Tell me!”_ Lena had never needed to know anything more than she did now.

“You’re hurting your mother!” Lillian cried.

“You said yourself you were never really my mother. Answer my question!”

“No!” Lillian’s voice became distorted again as she tried to use the Lonely’s power. “Leave… me… _alone!_ ”

Lena needed to know more than she needed food or water, more than she needed to breathe. The hunger that had driven her to corner innocent people and demand their statements was nothing compared to this. And if Lillian wouldn’t tell her willingly… _“TELL ME!”_

“No! No – _AAAAAAAAAAH!”_ Lillian’s cries turned into a shriek, then faded into static as her body twisted and sputtered and sparked and glitched and shredded itself into a million tiny pieces, and then disappeared.

Lena stared at the place where her stepmother had stood. “Lillian?” she said softly. “Mother? Oh God…”

She sank to her knees in horror. In less than an hour, she had killed both of the only family members she had left. Her only friends were her employees, who were only being polite, and now they were probably dead. The woman she loved was lost, and even if she could find her, she would hate her. She was a monster, and she was all alone.

She shifted position and pulled her knees to her chest, then buried her face in her knees and sobbed. “I’m sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry…”


	4. Chapter 4

The bottom of the kayak scraped against the sand, and Kara jumped out and splashed to the shore. Lena was sitting on the ground, hugging her knees, her face hidden. “Lena?” She ran over and crouched beside her. “Lena, I’m here.”

Lena didn’t react. Kara gently touched her hand. It was cold. Kara pulled off her cardigan and draped it around Lena’s shaking shoulders. As she did so, she realized that Lena’s other hand was covered in blood. “God, Lena, what happened?”

“I killed them,” she said into her knees. “Lex and Lillian. They were the only family I had left, and I killed them!”

For a moment, Kara drew back in shock. Lena looked up, gazing out at the water, and laughed brokenly. “And now you’re going to leave me. Go ahead, I’m a monster. Just like the rest of my family.”

_“No.”_ Kara even surprised herself with the fierceness of her response. “You are _not_ a monster. I know you, Lena, and if you killed them, then I know you only did what you had to do.”

“No, I didn’t. I didn’t even mean to kill Lillian. I was trying to make her tell me what was going on, and she was resisting and then she just… I _tore her apart_.”

“With the…”

“With the Beholding.” Lena nodded. “Leave me, Kara. I can’t control this.”

Kara wrapped her arms around Lena. “I will never leave you,” she said firmly.

“Then why are you here?” Lena asked quietly. “Why did Lillian say you didn’t want to see me?”

Kara sighed. “There’s no one to lose here.”

For the first time, Lena looked at Kara. “There’s me.”

“You just told me to leave you.”

“And you said you never would.”

Kara smiled. “Then I guess we’re at a stalemate.”

“And what about the people who’ll lose you? The Danverses? Your friends?”

Kara’s smile disappeared. “They don’t understand. They mean well, but – Lena, I watched a fire kill my entire family when I was thirteen. How could they possibly know what that’s like?”

“Maybe they don’t, but they still love you. Jeremiah and Eliza raised you as their own, and Alex and J’onn took on Mercy, Otis, and Not-Sam so I could come find you. The last thing Alex said to me was ‘Go get my sister.’”

They sat in silence for a moment. Then Lena continued, “Look at me, Kara.” She did. “You still have a family. You still have friends. Go home to them.”

Kara took Lena’s hands in her own, ignoring the dried blood. “Then come with me.”

Lena looked away. “I killed –“

“I know. But that doesn’t mean you belong here.” Kara touched Lena’s chin and gently turned her face towards her. “Lena, look at me. I love you. Come home with me.”

Lena looked into Kara’s eyes, and Kara felt like she was being X-rayed, like Lena could see every part of her. Then Lena took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped her eyes with her clean hand. She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go home.”

Kara stood up, helped Lena to her feet, and pulled her into a fierce hug. “Lead the way.”

Lena took Kara’s hand, and together, they walked out of the Lonely.


End file.
